Improvement of my own life

So today i decided to stop being chicken shit about what to do with my life and actually tackle it like the tiger I am. I forgot that I am a smart whipper snapper and I deserve the best and I can be the best if I actually get off my lazy fat ass and do something. So... Today i decided to start working on some things in my life that I have been lacking.

Hygiene - Just... Idk. Since June hit... I take Showers twice out of the week. -.- trust me.. Even I know that shit is gross.. but thats what happens when you're a lazy fuck.
Cleaning - If I am not emotional, i'm just one dirty bitch. I would leave a Cup in the same spot for days until my mother make me do it.. or I finally stop being lazy and take the cup in.. so. yea.
Truth - I finally have to start being truthful to people, cause I have been lying about myself just a bit and I would like to let some of the people that are actually close to me.. what I am and what I go through.
~ You guys already know my Real Name cause its on the front, but there are some dark secrets that some don't know. Like how the fact that I live with my 17 year old cousin.. who is a Sexual/Emotional abuser. Sure it sounds weird to hear that someone so young  can be a sexual offender, but what can you do When life hands you a lemon at 7 years old and you are this small skinny kind who loves digimon, yugioh, and your life hero is Ash Katchem( Or however you spell his fucking name). You just see video games as real life and go with the flow of growing up. So... she came into my life as this innocent little girl and what kid would be thinking of sex at an early age that I was when she started to touch on me. Well.. it started out as hugs and cuddles a bit too close and surprisingly even though I was a very shy and timid kid and sat in the front of the class and did what the teacher said. Anywho, lets not run off topic, she use to touch me inappropriately and in my mind I'm like. " did she just touch my thingy?... maybe it was a mistake." and it continued for like years until I was 13-15. A touching of my ass here and there, busting in the bathroom when i was taking  shower and looking at me and I would scream for my mother to come. She would run away and coming into my room at night to fill on me and I just cry myself to sleep, hoping she would stop soon. Due to this shit happening at home, I thought other people would do the same to me, so I kept to myself and was branded as an outcast quickly and thus the bullying began. So, now imagine a very high yellow kid with blonde hair( Yea, I had blonde hair when i was younger) dorky bottle cap glasses and an over obsession with video games, cartoon characters and rock music, while the rest of his classmates was dark skinned kids cursing, beating people up, and talking about sex. I just automatically stuck out and the torturous years of second grade to eighth grade began. Another fact I stood out is  that unlike most kids, my mother and father was divorced due to my now Stepfather fucking around with my mother. I was 5 when that happened.
~Something tragic happen in 2001 and everyone knows what that is. 9/11. Many people don't know nothing about it cause I don't tell them about it.. but my mother was almost killed at the world trade center. Thank god( cause that can be the only thing I can explain that help her survive that gruesome event) that he was watching over her that day. Ever wondered as a kid if your parents would ever come home again? like something bad happened to them like a car crash or they just got shot or something like that, and you and your siblings( If you had some) would be never able to see them again. But, what kid thinks about that, you expect your parents to come home, get in your ass for not cleaning your room, eat some nasty ass dinner that your mother and father makes you eat and go to bed, Repeat. Well... on that day, I thought I lost my mother for good. Me, and my four sisters and my cousin was all huddled together in a corner crying cause we thought we lost the only person in our lives who makes us whole. The person that tucks us in at night sometimes and gave us everything when she could. We cried our little eyes out and knew that there was no way that our mother could have survived those two towers crashing down like something out of a domino puzzle you use to do in grammar school. Luckily, the door opened and there was our scared, petrified mother. Shaking like someone making a special drink. We all ran over to her and hugged her, all crying. Just glad that our mother was ok. For two weeks straight, my mother would have horrible nightmares about her experience and she would always scream and wake everyone up in the house. We would all rush to her quickly to see whats wrong, only to find that strong woman we called our mother broken into a million pieces. We stayed out of school for a whole month and it was the worse time in my life. Screaming, wondering, and hoping that our mother was ok. Time went on and my mother got the help she needed to heal and be the little demon she is today, but i always pray on 9/11, thanking the big man.. that he spared my mother.
~So, as you can see.. im like hoping around everywhere cause my mind tends to bury the horrible memories in my head. Which is weird but also funny cause it just tells me that im just like something or something... idk. Special. So.. since my brain shut down i guess im done with my fucked up life. Finally remembered some shit from my past when I was growing up and decided to share. I was in 7th grade when I was transferred from a simi ghetto school that was filled with a diversity of kids, to a school quite unlike any other. I was transferred to Hawthorne avenue school, aka... the worse two years of my life.  I tried to commit suicide more times in my life.. than i actually knew. Everything from 3-8 grade was my ass beater and i could do nothing but take it. I was a skinny, fragile, and dorky kid who didn't even know how to fight. The more i got my ass kicked and never told my mother, the more I grew fatter and fatter. Now this school was ghetto beyond all means. Riots, gun shootings, hostility around every corner, kids being jumped in the bathroom and people getting cut. I was kinda surprised the only thing I got was a usually jumping, beatdown, stuff taken, and my esteem crushed like a pencil. But.. I am ok.
Drawing - Ok... I been dicking around cause I am really scared of failing. Something not going right, something looking retarded, my ideas not coming to life. But if i don't study, how can i get better? Its like asking for a novice cook to make a signature dish when the only thing they know how to make is eggs and cheese. But, all in all, I guess i will take this more serious if i want to improve.
Programming - Ok.. i need to learn this. Badly.
Something - Idk... just something i need to work on.. Especially my self esteem.
Story - I had this story stuck in my head for soo long that its kinda funny that i actually forgot most of my characters. Its like on its fourth Generation of characters and i need to make all the Generations one day, but ima start off with Generation 4 since they are the most fresh in my head.
Character drawings- Ok.. i need to improve on my fursona too... cause at the point im just getting others to draw him when i can do it better since i see the vision in my head. so yea.
~I guess this is the truce on the new mark in my life, and i just wanted to thank a very special friend of mines who i love to the bottom of my heart. Shes the real reason most of this change is going on now.
I also would like to thank my sister cause even thought shes younger than me.. shes a big influence on my life as well as someone i care for deeply . Thanks for always being there for me. Oh! and let me not forget other people I have grown to love and have a special place in my heart too. & Cause they are cool dudes to talk to. , & Someone who understands me more than i do. & cause i love them both too much to even call them associated. til then.. fair well on this new update on my life
Ciao.